Dancing
Engineer
Fierce
Creature
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A Nervous Truce
This morning was the San Diego neurologist appointment. Which felt oddly like the final boss battle of this whole saga. Or at least the point where someone with a Very Large Brain Map might explain what the hell had been happening. Instead, the appointment started with a question. “What are you hoping for today?” Which…
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Occipital Neuralgia
Occipital Neuralgia is a condition in which the occipital nerves, the nerves that run through the scalp, are injured or inflamed. by Julie G Pilitsis, MD, PhD, FAANSChair, Neuroscience & Experimental Therapeutics Professor, Neurosurgery and Neuroscience & Experimental Therapeutics Albany Medical College Dr. Pilitsis specializes in neuromodulation with research interests in treatments for movement disorders and…
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On My Last Nerve
Nurtec, it turns out, is very new. So new that insurance companies mostly pretend it doesn’t exist. Which means it costs about $250 for eight pills. I declined. Thankfully the gabapentin worked. Not perfectly, but enough. The pain dropped from a seven to nine down to a two to four. Occasionally it would spike back…
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Officially a Nervous Wreck
On Wednesday, February 11th, I slept poorly. Not unusual. Just one of those nights where sleep shows up, but doesn’t quite do the job it was hired for. Later that day a migraine arrived. Also not unusual. So I did what I normally do: took some Tylenol, laid down for a nap, and waited for…
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Loving Kindness Sutra
In Stillness, I Return to myself. In Breath, I Remember my nature. In Presence, I Awaken. I am Loving Kindness, Full of Grace, Delightfully Amused by the Unfolding of All Things. I walk in Wonder. I rest in Compassion. I rise in Joy. I am Priceless, for no measure can contain the Depth of my…
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Dear Me: I Love You. xoxo, ~Me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my future self lately. Not in a grand, five-year-plan way. More in a very specific, very practical way. The version of me who exists tomorrow morning. Or next week. Or at 3:17 PM when something goes wrong and I’m already a little fried. That future me is doing their…
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What Page Is That?
Lately I keep running into the same fork in the road, over and over again. Is this a moment to push myself, or is this a moment to let myself relax? If there were clear rules, I’d love that. A checklist. A decision tree. A flashing sign that says, “Apply effort here” or “Stand down,…
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Where Is The User Manual?
I keep circling this question: am I actually bad at giving myself grace, or am I just bad at giving myself grace when I don’t understand what’s wrong? When the cause is obvious, I’m pretty generous. If I’m sick, exhausted, grieving, overwhelmed by something concrete, I can say, “Of course today is harder. Be gentle.”…
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One Conscious Tomorrow At A Time
The thing I keep forgetting is that the goal isn’t the output. It’s the feeling. What I want isn’t a perfectly executed schedule or a streak or proof that I’m Doing It Right. What I want is that feeling I had in June 2025. The repetitive, regular cadence of self-care and productivity. Not exciting. Not…
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Less Thinking, More Observance
I keep saying I want to invent something. Not in a casual, hobby way. In a very specific, slightly feral way. I want to make enough money from one good idea that I can stop negotiating my life in hours and deadlines and instead live off the investments it creates. And every time I say…
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From Self-Sacrifice to Self-Support
I’ve been thinking about the difference between self pity and self compassion, and how sneaky that difference is when you’re inside it. From the inside, self pity feels justified. Heavy, yes, but justified. It sounds logical. Reasonable. Evidence-based. Look at all the reasons I can’t. Look at how unfair this is. Look at how tired…
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When Is It Time to Flee?
I don’t mean a casual move to another city, I mean actually wrestling with what safety, identity, belonging, and political reality feel like right now. I’m here in California, feeling both grateful and battered. Grateful for the community and relative sanctuary. Battered because it feels like every other week something surfaces that reminds me how…