Dancing
Engineer
Fierce
Creature
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Dear Me: I Love You. xoxo, ~Me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my future self lately. Not in a grand, five-year-plan way. More in a very specific, very practical way. The version of me who exists tomorrow morning. Or next week. Or at 3:17 PM when something goes wrong and I’m already a little fried. That future me is doing their…
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What Page Is That?
Lately I keep running into the same fork in the road, over and over again. Is this a moment to push myself, or is this a moment to let myself relax? If there were clear rules, I’d love that. A checklist. A decision tree. A flashing sign that says, “Apply effort here” or “Stand down,…
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Where Is The User Manual?
I keep circling this question: am I actually bad at giving myself grace, or am I just bad at giving myself grace when I don’t understand what’s wrong? When the cause is obvious, I’m pretty generous. If I’m sick, exhausted, grieving, overwhelmed by something concrete, I can say, “Of course today is harder. Be gentle.”…
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One Conscious Tomorrow At A Time
The thing I keep forgetting is that the goal isn’t the output. It’s the feeling. What I want isn’t a perfectly executed schedule or a streak or proof that I’m Doing It Right. What I want is that feeling I had in June 2025. The repetitive, regular cadence of self-care and productivity. Not exciting. Not…
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Less Thinking, More Observance
I keep saying I want to invent something. Not in a casual, hobby way. In a very specific, slightly feral way. I want to make enough money from one good idea that I can stop negotiating my life in hours and deadlines and instead live off the investments it creates. And every time I say…
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From Self-Sacrifice to Self-Support
I’ve been thinking about the difference between self pity and self compassion, and how sneaky that difference is when you’re inside it. From the inside, self pity feels justified. Heavy, yes, but justified. It sounds logical. Reasonable. Evidence-based. Look at all the reasons I can’t. Look at how unfair this is. Look at how tired…
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When Is It Time to Flee?
I don’t mean a casual move to another city, I mean actually wrestling with what safety, identity, belonging, and political reality feel like right now. I’m here in California, feeling both grateful and battered. Grateful for the community and relative sanctuary. Battered because it feels like every other week something surfaces that reminds me how…
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Have You Tried Turning It Off and Back On?
When I’m “supposed to” do something but I don’t wanna, I do absolutely nothing instead. Not rest. Not recovery. Not even a deliciously rebellious alternative. Just… nothing. I sit there like a browser tab that’s been open too long, quietly consuming resources while refusing to load. This pattern used to annoy me. I thought it…
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This Is a Love Story
Some days I go to the gym, and it feels meh. Mechanical. Just a place where I lift heavy things and then put them back down again like a very sweaty librarian. Sometimes, though, going to the gym feels like a small, quiet act of love. Not the loud, romantic kind. No grand gestures. No…
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YOU DID IT!! !
After the Storm, Before the Dust Okay. Deep breath again. They’re gone. All three. Three kids, three rounds, three weeks each. Nine weeks of parenting solo in a home that had never been fully theirs before — until now. And now it’s quiet. Really, truly quiet. The kind of quiet that feels like a question:…
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Still Alive Just Spinning
Buried in Summer Hey friends. Quick check-in. I’m still here. Still alive. Still caffeinated. Still trying to remember what day it is. I probably won’t be posting much in the near future because, well—life. This summer has been a lot. Capital-A, bold, underlined A Lot. And it’s not even over yet. I’m still in it.…
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Still Not in Trouble
(Still figuring this out…) Ironically, I love making mistakes. At least in public. At least when it’s tech. Put me on a livestream, give me a broken container or a missing semicolon or a weird YAML error, and I thrive. I get to troubleshoot out loud, laugh at myself, and let the community chime in…