Dancing
Engineer
Fierce
Creature
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From Self-Sacrifice to Self-Support
I’ve been thinking about the difference between self pity and self compassion, and how sneaky that difference is when you’re inside it. From the inside, self pity feels justified. Heavy, yes, but justified. It sounds logical. Reasonable. Evidence-based. Look at all the reasons I can’t. Look at how unfair this is. Look at how tired…
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When Is It Time to Flee?
I don’t mean a casual move to another city, I mean actually wrestling with what safety, identity, belonging, and political reality feel like right now. I’m here in California, feeling both grateful and battered. Grateful for the community and relative sanctuary. Battered because it feels like every other week something surfaces that reminds me how…
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Have You Tried Turning It Off and Back On?
When I’m “supposed to” do something but I don’t wanna, I do absolutely nothing instead. Not rest. Not recovery. Not even a deliciously rebellious alternative. Just… nothing. I sit there like a browser tab that’s been open too long, quietly consuming resources while refusing to load. This pattern used to annoy me. I thought it…
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This Is a Love Story
Some days I go to the gym, and it feels meh. Mechanical. Just a place where I lift heavy things and then put them back down again like a very sweaty librarian. Sometimes, though, going to the gym feels like a small, quiet act of love. Not the loud, romantic kind. No grand gestures. No…
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YOU DID IT!! !
After the Storm, Before the Dust Okay. Deep breath again. They’re gone. All three. Three kids, three rounds, three weeks each. Nine weeks of parenting solo in a home that had never been fully theirs before — until now. And now it’s quiet. Really, truly quiet. The kind of quiet that feels like a question:…
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Still Alive Just Spinning
Buried in Summer Hey friends. Quick check-in. I’m still here. Still alive. Still caffeinated. Still trying to remember what day it is. I probably won’t be posting much in the near future because, well—life. This summer has been a lot. Capital-A, bold, underlined A Lot. And it’s not even over yet. I’m still in it.…
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Still Not in Trouble
(Still figuring this out…) Ironically, I love making mistakes. At least in public. At least when it’s tech. Put me on a livestream, give me a broken container or a missing semicolon or a weird YAML error, and I thrive. I get to troubleshoot out loud, laugh at myself, and let the community chime in…
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Am I in Trouble?
(Probably Not, But Tell That to My Brain) I hate getting in trouble. Viscerally. The fear of doing something “wrong,” of getting caught, of someone being mad at me? It’s so baked in, I don’t even question it most days. It’s just this background hum, like a low-grade static buzzing under the surface: Am I…
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Peace, Joy, and Warmth
What Is My Favourite Place on Earth? This is impossible. How do you pick one favorite place on Earth when your heart is scattered across continents like confetti after a really good party? I’ve tried to narrow it down, but every time I think I’ve got it, another memory pops up like, “Hey, remember me?”…
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You’re Not Alone
Universal Secret Number Nine: Even When You Feel Like It There are these moments — quiet, heavy ones — where it feels like the whole world is moving, and you’re just… stuck. Like everyone else, you’ve received the memo on how to do life, and you’re still trying to figure out how to breathe through…
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Peace Is More Valuable Than Being Right
Universal Secret Number Eight: Even When You Know You’re Right There’s this moment — you know the one — where you feel the heat rising in your chest, your brain is already crafting the perfect comeback, and you know you’re right. Not just kind of right, but objectively, factually, morally correct. And yet… you pause.…
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You Will Fail and That’s the Point
Universal Secret Number Seven: Failing Forward Because That’s Literally How It Works Let’s say it: you’re going to fail. I’m going to fail. We’re all going to fail — probably more than once and perhaps in ways that are awkward, uncomfortable, and occasionally meme-worthy. And you know what? That’s not just okay — that’s the…