Welcome To Twenty Twenty One

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Eighty Eight]

Sit down, put your seatbelt on, and don’t touch anything.

Let’s take this one day at a time, shall we?

Sure, it may seem like this year is the answer to life, the universe, and everything, but let’s think of it more like Happy Fun Ball, okay?

But first the news:

• Firework ban widely ignored, but police report fewer incidents during New Year festivities
• Covid hospital total shows biggest one-day drop since the Spring
• Substantial drop in coronavirus infections as fewer people get tested

Yes, it’s Twenty Twenty One! The year that’s sweeping the world!

Only $14.95 at participating stores! Get one today!

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under ten should avoid prolonged exposure to Twenty Twenty One.

Caution: Twenty Twenty One may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.

Twenty Twenty One contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

Do not use Twenty Twenty One on concrete.

Discontinue use of Twenty Twenty One if any of the following occurs:

• itching
• vertigo
• dizziness
• tingling in extremities
• loss of balance or coordination
• slurred speech
• temporary blindness
• profuse sweating
• or heart palpitations.

If Twenty Twenty One begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

Twenty Twenty One may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Twenty Twenty One should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Twenty Twenty One, Whacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Twenty Twenty One include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to the Earth, presumably from outer space.

Do not taunt Twenty Twenty One.

Twenty Twenty One comes with a one year warranty.

Twenty Twenty One! Accept no substitutes!

Now fasten your seatbelts; it’s going to be a bumpy ride.