But Then Who Am I?

[Dutch Lock Down Day Four Hundred Fifty Seven]

I had this same feeling right as I was retiring from dance – if I’m not a dancer, who am I?

Except now it’s about being an American living in the Netherlands.

If I’m not an expat, who am I?

But first the news:

I am a developer advocate, a student, a mentor, a mama, a bi-sexual non-binary trans feminine queer person, a quarter Japanese, and a partner.

And so much more.

I am someone battling the awesomeness of perimenopause.

I am an adventurer, a warrior, a keeper of secrets, a blogger, a journalist, a morning person, a retired dancer, a former expat, a baker, and a feminist.

Depending on the second or hour or day of the week or the month or the year, I am quiet and hurt and broken and brave and fighting to stay present in this life.

I am strong as fuck.

I am a speaker, a cyclist, a regular walker, a water drinker, a cuddler, and someone who often copes with mental illness – specifically depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder.

I am an introvert who loves to perform.

I program in markdown, HTML, CSS, javascript, python, PHP, and git. Just kidding, I only know six git commands, but it’s all anyone really needs, right?

I am a daily meditation practitioner.

I am a human. Mostly.

I’m a Dancing Engineer. And a Fierce Creature. Always.

And these days I’m moving back to the United States to become a Michigan resident.

But, yeah, I’m still kind of freaking out that such a large part of my identify – an expat, an American living in the Netherlands – is about to go away.

I’m not ready.

Might never be ready.

But it’ll all change, whether or not I’m ready for it, in August.

Wish me luck.