And Then I Slept Til Ten

[Dutch Lock Down Day One Hundred Seventy Three]


But, no, actually, it’s okay, because sometimes it’s okay to sleep in on the weekends, as my dad would say.

I’m still struggling with guilt, though.

But first the news:

It’s not so much that I think I’ve completely fallen off the bandwagon and will never be able to wake up at five again, but that I broke the streak and damnit, I do love me some consistency.

I am struggling, at the moment, to focus, because it’s already twelve locally. Normally I wake up and dive into writing by five something in the morning and now I’m thinking about lunch and kids and productivity and kindness and all the other things I still need to do today.

Maybe that’s what makes the five a.m. so productive – there IS nothing else to do.

Not right then.

The kids are asleep. Theoretically.

The partner is asleep.

I’m not expected to be at work.

Or anywhere else.

I’m not hungry yet.

I think, also, that my mind is particularly sharp because it’s still in between sleeping and waking – that beautiful processing that you do in your dreams? Is it possible to bring that to wakefulness?

According to learning to learn, you can.

That’s one of the core points of the course, in fact. “Focused” and “Diffused” modes of thinking help you process knowledge more efficiently. Which is similar to the points made in Thinking, Fast and Slow.

There’s a balance and an efficiency to getting those two modes of thinking to work together. And MAYBE that’s what I’m doing by getting up when the day is still raw. When my brain is still sort of asleep but my eyes are definitely open. Mostly open. Not closed.

You know what I mean.

Photo by MI PHAM on Unsplash

I broke the five a.m. streak.

That sucks.

But it’s also okay, because you know what sleeping in is? Giving into my inner child. Easing off the accelerator just a bit. Taking the morning off.

And that’s more than okay, it’s NECESSARY.

I’ll get back on the bandwagon tomorrow morning by going to bed at nine tonight and it’ll be hard because I really won’t be that sleepy tonight, but I really like how productive I am at five in the morning and getting so many things done right away – it sets the tone for the rest of the day and makes it all worth it.

But most importantly I’ll stop beating myself up for and feeling guilty about sleeping in this morning. I got up at ten. And it’s twelve twenty now. But I’ve already done yin yoga, studied languages, meditated, gotten showered and dressed, drank a protein shake, had a cup of tea, and written / published my daily blog post.

You’re doing just fine, Leander.

Now go enjoy lunch.