Big Breath In Big Breath Out

TRIGGER WARNING This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

Needless to say, life is a bit rough right now.

There’s a lot going on.


I’m trying to focus.

To take things one day at a time and just keep swimming. Baby steps.

Last night P and I both had horrible nights. When the alarm went off – let me take a minute to explicitly state that the alarm was not my normal alarm clock, but the Littles having an animated discussion over the pros and cons of solid food versus formula – when THAT alarm went off, I groaned and asked P if he could help out this morning and he replied that he didn’t get to sleep until sometime south of four in the morning.


So I got my happy butt out of bed and s l o w l y got all the Littles ready for and dropped off at daycare and walked over to the local cafe because the internet at home is broken and will stay broken for another six to eight weeks cause #WHYTHEFUCKNOT

And I can’t even link to the old post where I explained why the internet sucks right now cause my site was fucking hacked and that post hasn’t been restored yet.


So I got up and got a shower and even brushed my teeth and everything.

Except there was also a thing I alluded to where I couldn’t talk in Dutch.

And I’m just TIRED. Physically. Mentally. Psychologically.

In my fucking SOUL.

How dramatic is THAT.

So I’ve bought a few self help books and am working on those daily routines that help stabilize and counting down the minutes until I have that damn appointment with the specialist and in the meantime, just keep swimming.

Baby. Steps. Forward.