Cause We About To Open A Flood

I haven’t been posting on but I have been trying to write every day. I read about ‘morning pages’ once long ago and incorporated it into my daily practice. And then I stopped. And then I did it again. And then I stopped. It’s definitely been off again on again for years. But since the twins birth, I’ve been on more than off.

Yay, baby steps!

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat, as needed.

Another habit that I want to reincorporate (besides posting here!) is strength training and exercise. Specifically with body weight and then free weights. It’s been ten forevers. Really, ever since my personal trainer moved back to Israel. Which was shortly before I was pregnant with PROS.alpha.

And, then, well, motherhood.

With PROS.alpha I got completely out of all of the habits. In the morning I used to get up at six, make a cup of tea, eat three almonds to get the metabolism going, sit down and write three pages free hand while my cat would torture me by trying to sit on the paper THAT I WAS WRITING ON.

Then I’d go for a run or a long walk or do strength training or yoga and then get ready for my day.

Work was eight to six with an hour lunch, then P would bring something home or we’d order in.

At night the routine was simpler, but, again, consistent.

I’d get ready for bed, do yin yoga while reading which, I suppose, is actually just extended seated stretching when you’re not meditating, and then go to bedness by ten.

One thing that was utterly abolished upon the birth of the first born was getting up early.

I slept when he slept.

In those desperate first few months, something in my head clicked and I HAD TO SLEEP ALL THE TIME.

Maybe it was depression, too?

But I could no longer justify getting up at six.

I slept until the last possible second, got Sasha up and to daycare, and counted myself lucky if showering and brushing teeth were accomplished before work.

Okay, depression was definitely involved.

But now?

Now I’m… something.

Something more focused. Something more energetic.

Something less caught up in sleeping when they sleep. Something less depressed.

It’s nice.