Dutch Lock Down Day Nineteen

Alternative Title: Last Night I Didn’t Get to Sleep At All

I mean, DUH, cause I slept for so long yesterday.


Totally still going to drink that cup of English Breakfast tea tonight right before I go to bed. Even though I had another nap this afternoon.

So I could’ve fucked up my sleep again.


But first the news:

Exhaustion is part of the new normal.

But, I think, the key is knowing #WHY

Is it because of depression?

Is it because of a lack of privacy?

Is it because you haven’t gone outside yet?

Is it because of a lack of sleep?

Do you need a chocolate chip cookie?

A hug?

Photo by Alex Alvarez on Unsplash

A friend called today (hi, C!) and indicated surprise that I’m doing as well as I am based on what she’s read here.


But, also, context is everything.

I tend to write these late at night just before going to bed.

I tend to be exhausted.

I tend to have dark thoughts.

When we chatted? It’s the afternoon. The sun is actually OUT. The kids are running joyously around the front yard. It’s a reasonable ten whole degrees out.

But I agree with her. I *am* doing way better than I was.

Every single day is better.

There are signs of improvement, which, yes, are hard to remember at the end of the day.

I’m flossing again.

I’m baking bread every day.

I’m going outside. And gardening.

And, vitally important, I’m recognizing WHY I’m exhausted.

And therefore what I need.

And doing it.

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

I hope you’re taking care of yourself, Warriors.

Especially figuring out what you need.

And doing it.

Especially if you’re also taking care of others.

Because you can’t take care of them until you take care of yourself first.

Let’s take care of ourselves first.